Sexual Impurity as a Habit... and what happens when you break the habit

Well I should be going to bed right now because I have work tomorrow and then I'm flying to Oakland for business for just over 4 weeks. I just finished packing and I was taking a shower before bed and I started thinking.

Let me explain what I mean by "Sexual Impurity as a Habit." We all know about sexual addiction and I'm sure a lot of men would only think they had a detrimental sexual problem if they were a sexual addict. The nice thing about sexual addiction is that there are programs and many support groups for the problem.

Now what if you look at porn sometimes? What if you wonder what that woman at work looks like naked? What if you fantasize about the girls on TV or in the movies? Does this make you a sexual addict? Probably not. Typically a true addiction has to be detrimental to your daily life and is typically an escalating problem. You hurt those closest to you just to get your fix. So you go through life figuring you don't have a problem because "every man does it" and "its just how we're programmed."

I know I grew up thinking that porn was just a natural thing. My grandfather looked at magazines and my uncle had the late night movie channels and a computer. Not to mention all the fathers and older brothers of other kids I grew up with who had magazines and movies that we would sneak a peek at. As I got older, and the internet became so widely used, I started looking at porn on the internet. It was quick, free and easy. I didn't look at it all the time, just a couple times a week when that "natural" urge hit me. I would go online, take care of my business, and get back to watching TV or head in to bed. It was a habit. When I had that biological need to have a sexual release I would look at the porn for a couple minutes, take care of it, and move on. I wasn't out paying for sex or spending money on pay sites. So does it warrant a 12 step program because I'm so deep in it that I can't get out on my own? Of course not.

So what did I need to do to break the habit? Well I had to understand why I needed to break it in the first place. Every time I was looking at those women I was fantasizing about them and as far as God is concerned that is just as bad as cheating on my wife. I was cheating my wife out of all of my love and affection. Once I saw things in that light I was appalled. I knew I needed to change immediately. My wife deserved better from me. She used to "nag" me about how I didn't tell her she was beautiful or let her know how much I needed her. I didn't need to tell the girls on the web that they were beautiful. I used to just think she was being insecure and needy. Or was it that my behavior wasn't meeting her needs? I realized that it is my job as a husband to give her security and to tend to her needs.

Once I quit turning to porn to satisfy that need I was left with only one option... my wife. What a novel idea! I had to rely on my wife to take care of my sexual needs?! Now isn't that what God intended when we were created?

So the big revelation... Once I relied on my wife like God intended, I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was. She is beautiful. I have always thought she was beautiful. My wife is a gorgeous woman and now she is a gorgeous woman that is carrying my child. When my wife walks in the room I can't take my eyes off of her. When we're in bed I actually cuddle with her. I can't get enough of her. I also remind her of how much I need her. I make sure every day that she knows how much I love her and I've seen her blossom into a much more confident person because of it. I'm now giving her the support I should be as her husband. Does it mean that she came around right away? No. It took time. She thought maybe I was just being sweet to make her happy. Now that its been a little while she sees (at least I think she does) that I've changed. Things are completely different now.

So if you think that this habit isn't a big deal you're completely wrong. This habit is killing your marriage and you need to break it. You need to break the habit not only to be a Godly man but also to be the husband God called you to be.