Just thinking

I was just sitting in my hotel room thinking how I was homesick to see my wife. I realized that this probably never would have happened before a couple months ago. I have always been self sufficient and never needed anyone. I remember getting homesick at summer camp as a kid but that was the last time.

Its not that I can't function without my wife but I enjoy our time together and I miss it. I love the time that we spend just hanging out, playing games or going out. It doesn't matter what we do I enjoy the time together.

I was also thinking that I definitely was in no place to be a father several months ago. My wife and I were talking the other night and we both agreed that we made our marriage look good on the outside but it definitely wasn't a great marriage. We were both looking out for number one. I wasn't happy because I wasn't getting what I wanted (emphasis on "I"). I have finally realized through reading and praying that I can't be focused on what it is that I want. Once I started to appreciate my wife and serve my wife I finally started to see that it became easier for her to give me the things I wanted. Basically I wasn't treating the marriage the way God designed it and both of us were suffering for it. I can't even imagine bringing a child into that environment. I can support and serve my wife because it brings me joy. I enjoy thinking about her and doing things for her because we grow closer together each time I do. That means that we both start to mutually serve the needs of the other. When everyone's needs are being met then everyone is a happier person. This doesn't mean that there aren't going to be hangups but it means that we can work through them better than we had in the past.

I've found myself turning to prayer for everything. I know who's in control. God is. I know that I have to raise my concerns to Him because he is the only one with ultimate control. Its my job to take care of my wife and treat her as my "ewe lamb."

I wish everyone would come to this realization. Life would be so much better if that were the case.

If you haven't read this book pick it up. Its for the men but the further I get into it the more I think its for everyone.